Part 1: Understanding Narcissistic Leadership. When Repetition Masquerades as Expertise
A Case Worth Documenting
As you know, I document everything: the work, the wins, the slow unravelling of something that was supposed to matter. Building a charity from nothing but sweat, grit, and stubborn faith, I was determined this would mean something....for a community, for a board, for myself. What I didn't expect was how quickly hope gets hijacked by sheer volume masquerading as competence.
Think the cringe of Uncle Jim at a family event, white slip-ons and brill-creamed hair - Ron Burgundy "I'm kind of a big deal" energy - except this time it was a woman and we were in board meetings. Her CV glowed with credibility. Genuinely, I was won over. There's no denying she'd earned accolades and status somewhere, but integrity & leading people? These were not the skills she brought to the table.
Here's the thing: she didn't actually possess charisma.
Well, that's not entirely fair. She did slip into a weird performance mode whenever she put on her "Chair" hat......good God himself only knows where she learned this. Perhaps too much Dallas or Dynasty in the 1980s. She morphed into this performative, cringe-inducing caricature of what she thought a Chair should be and how they should act. And it was so wrong. The kind of wrong where, if your child did it, you'd gently say: "Please don't do that. It's not smart and it's not clever."
When she dropped the nonsense and became "normal," she was bearable. But she couldn't help herself. She'd morph back into this caricature, spouting ridiculous statements like "I must be getting soft in my old age" whenever a centimetre of humanity accidentally dripped out.
The Illusion of Expertise
She wasn't charming or inspiring. She was simply a mouthpiece for her own (imaginary) expertise - a relentless broadcaster of how brilliant she believed herself to be. She spoke like she knew what she was doing. But in practice? Mundane. Outdated. Lacking any inspiration or creativity.
People made excuses: "She's just set in her ways," or "She's strong and stable- no nonsense." These are outdated, lazy justifications.....words with zero substance.
Here's the truth: you can't be "set in your ways" in leadership. You can't be "strong and stable" whilst being rigid and inflexible. Strength and stability require versatility and understanding - none of which this Chair possessed.
It was always textbook: "This is how it's always been done, and how it shall remain." No room for negotiation. And God forbid you pointed out the obvious: "Actually, no - that's how you've always done it. There are better ways."
Her approach? The very definition of insanity ... doing the same things over and over, then wondering why you get the same boring, uninspiring results.
The biggest mistake she always made was believing her own self-appointed hype and believing she was the finished article. In leadership, you are never the finished article. Ever. It's a continuous journey of learning, adapting, and evolving.
But to a narcissistic leader, this is a cognitive dissonance they can never reconcile. Admitting there's room to improve would shatter the carefully constructed illusion of superiority. So they remain frozen - trapped in outdated methods, defending the indefensible, and calling it "strong leadership."
The Mentorship That Never Was
This was one of the most frustrating-and frankly, heartbreaking-aspects of this role.
I'm someone who craves growth. Everywhere I work, I actively seek mentorship, challenge, and the opportunity to learn from brilliant minds. I want to be stretched, improved, and inspired.
And I've been fortunate. Every previous role has given me that. The inspirational leaders who shaped me? I don't even need to think hard- all women, all phenomenal. Their guidance was transformative. Their expertise, undeniable. Their leadership, mesmerising. They didn't just manage... they elevated everyone around them. They created cultures where curiosity thrived, where mistakes became learning opportunities, where excellence was the standard because they lived it, not just preached it.
When I first encountered this Chair and read her CV, I genuinely thought I'd struck gold. I thought: This is it. This experience will take me to the next level. I'm going to learn so much from this woman - she looks like the real deal
Boy, was I wrong.
It's safe to say she learned far more from me than I from her. In the words of Yoda: "You must unlearn what you have learned."
Week one after I resigned was spent quite literally deprogramming myself from the absolute incoherent, inconsistent nonsense I'd experienced under her leadership.
Reading back through her emails, documents, "thought leader" style sermons, and research reports is genuinely cause for concern. In fairness, in 1980 they might have been considered "visionary" or "good practice." But we're not in 1980.
None of what I'm revealing here should be news to the sleepy board. I literally wrote the same observations in my appraisals and even in the pointless staff survey they issued as a tick-box exercise they failed to take seriously.
Each time you actually tried to implement her "vision", it came crashing down. Exhausting, hearing lengthy sermons about her excellence, professionalism, and standards; endless proclamations of being "more competent than the founder of Competenceland".
If I were hired as an external consultant in the role I currently do -assessing organisational effectiveness and governance- it wouldn't take long to identify the weakest links in this organisation.
The Chair would be flagged immediately. Her mishandling of just about every major task she was overseeing would be glaringly obvious. And I'd be heavily alarmed to discover the immediate board comprises close connections and family members - a textbook governance failure that enables dysfunction rather than preventing it.
Research Context: Narcissistic Leadership Defined
Research tells us narcissists rise to leadership not by accident, but by exploiting appearance and personality rather than substance.
Narcissistic leadership is characterised by:
Excessive self-importance and admiration-seeking
Inflated self-image, often masking deep insecurity
Mastery of self-promotion and "performance" of leadership
Profound lack of empathy and disregard for others' contributions
Why do these individuals ascend? Because boards mistake confidence for competence. A big CV combined with relentless self-promotion overrules actual skills in managing people or building organisations sustainably. Narcissistic leaders thrive in environments where image matters more than substance and scrutiny is weak.
But here's a critical nuance the research sometimes misses: Not all narcissistic leaders possess traditional "charisma." Some lack charm entirely. Instead, they succeed through sheer repetition- telling people often enough how brilliant they are that eventually, decent people stop trusting their own eyes and ears.
Narcissistic admiration vs. rivalry: Research highlights two sides:
Admiration (charm, assertiveness, initial attraction)
Rivalry (defensiveness, aggression, hostility when challenged)
Both sides can appear in the same person. And over time, the mask slips- revealing rivalry, blame-shifting, and chaos.
Lived Example: When the Warning Signs First Appeared
She didn't build a strong board- she assembled an inner circle, including family and an old colleague. Textbook governance breach, but volume and constant repetition convinced them she really was the star she claimed to be.
I'm known for calling out bullshit—before this role, I thought I was above average at it. In reality, working alongside a narcissist leader took me to "world class". The more obvious the problems became, the more she moved people on or rewrote procedures to suit herself.
Practical Insights: Don't Be Fooled by Volume or Credentials
Key takeaways for readers:
A sparkling CV can conceal serious deficits in leadership skill and integrity
Charisma isn't always required - narcissists can succeed through relentless self-promotion and repetition alone
Watch for the gap between what someone says they can do and what actually happens when their ideas meet reality
Early warning signs include self-promotion, resistance to questioning, shifting blame, and assembling a sycophantic inner circle
True leadership is revealed when plans meet reality- watch for how those in charge respond to challenges, feedback, and mistakes
If your gut nags at you about someone's style, listen. If you see rules quietly changed and procedures rewritten just before accountability moments, that's your red flag.
Transition: From Volume to Chaos
This blog is about more than my experience; it's about the structural failures that allow narcissists to flourish. In Part 2, we'll reveal how warning signs escalate- how tactics like credit-taking, blame-shifting, and favouritism root themselves in day-to-day operations. I'll show how a simple CRM project became a battle for reality itself.
Want to see the pattern unfold? Read on for Part 2: The Warning Signs—Recognising Toxic Leadership Tactics in Real Time.